Blogger, It's Been Real

I've packed up my things and moved away.

Truth

Fuck it. God exists.

The Order of Randomness

If there was still life, would I end it by reaching? Would it die if I don't? Sometimes there are situations where your inaction, your reluctance to act is an active choice of passivity. Hesitation is yet another option because the act of moving too quickly or too slowly also has it's repercussions.

Communication is the transmission of a message between a sender and a receiver using a medium understandable to both. Communication can break down at any point in the process. So, regardless of the choice, even if it's the perfect one, the message, the medium, and the receiver all have to agree. They have to fit like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. Interlocking but not quite glued together.

So what if I reach out? What if it's the perfect time, the perfect place, with the perfect balance of sincerity and honesty? It's not all up to me. Trust is placed in the wind, the world, your ears, your eyes, your heart and the will of fate. At some point in time we have to simply close our eyes and hope.

I'm in a cave. I know that. I know that I do not know. I know there is no person I can control completely. Not myself. We are all small so we must make our choices and hope the world reacts. Positively, negatively. A reaction is a miracle so take what comes. Experience it. Love it. Hate it. Then make more choices.

Whether you lie idly in the grip of pain or passion or you jump forth to the next plateau, your choices are at the mercy of other men, at the mercy of what may be. You may be perfect and lose but don't let a tear stop you from fighting.

Stream of consciousness

I'm about to freestyle write. I have no idea what this post will look like. I'm watching Moses getting his people freein skills on.

There was actually a big pause between the last paragraph and this one because I didn't know what to type. I'm reading Wild Child finally. I posted about it a bit ago. It takes a ton of concentration for me to stay focused on a book. I really have a hard time reading now. I don't think I was always as bad as I am now, but it was always a challenge for me.

I've gone to the last three Angels games and they've lost all of them. Tomorrow seems like a no-go for me, so of course they'll win. I'm selfish. I like to see them win too!

I only have 75 pages to go to finish this book. I threatened to take away my concert next month if I didn't finish by the end of the weekend. I am really going to go through with the punishment if I don't finish. I think the motivation was great because I read 125 pages today. If I finish it tomorrow, it will be the 2nd book I read this week. The first one was easy and I've read it about 4 times.

Looks like I have a pretty lady about to take me away from this. I could probably write forever but I gots to go. Peace.

Everything I've written lately has been bland. Can someone fill my words with color?

Einstein's Dreams

17 June 1905

The segments of time fit together almost perfectly, but not quite perfectly. On occasion, very slight displacements occur. For example on this Tuesday in Berne, a young man and a young woman, in their late twenties, stand beneath a street lamp on Gerberngasse. They met one month ago. He loves her desperately, but he has already been crushed by a woman who left him without warning, and he is frightened of love. He must be sure with this woman. He studies her face, pleads silently for her true feelings, searches for the smallest sign, the slightest movement of her brow, the vaguest reddening of her cheeks, the moistness of her eyes.

In truth, she loves him back but she cannot put her love in words. Instead, she smiles at him, unaware of his fear. As they stand beneath the street lamp, time stops and restarts. Afterwards, the tilt of their heads is precisely the same, the cycle

of their heartbeats shows no alteration. But somewhere in the deep pools of the woman's mind, a dim thought has appeared that was not there before. The young woman reaches for this new thought, into her unconscious, and as she does so a gossamer vacancy crosses her smile. This slight hesitation would be invisible to any but the closest scrutiny, yet the urgent young man has noticed it and taken it for his sign. He tells the young woman that he cannot see her again, returns to his small apartment on Zeughausgasse, decides to move to Zurich and work in his uncle's bank. The young woman walks slowly home from the lamppost on Gerberngasse and wonders why the young man did not love her.

-excerpt from Einstein's Dreams by Alan Lightman

William Shakespeare

SONNET 29

When, in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes,

I all alone beweep my outcast state

And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries

And look upon myself and curse my fate,

Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,

Featured like him, like him with friends possess'd,

Desiring this man's art and that man's scope,

With what I most enjoy contented least;

Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,

Haply I think on thee, and then my state,

Like to the lark at break of day arising

From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate;

For thy sweet love remember'd such wealth brings

That then I scorn to change my state with kings.