Get Some

Blogger, It's Been Real

2011-04-30T01:48:00.000-07:00

I've packed up my things and moved away.

Truth

2011-04-26T09:33:00.001-07:00

Fuck it. God exists.

The Order of Randomness

2011-04-25T23:14:00.001-07:00

If there was still life, would I end it by reaching? Would it die if I don't? Sometimes there are situations where your inaction, your reluctance to act is an active choice of passivity. Hesitation is yet another option because the act of moving too quickly or too slowly also has it's repercussions.

Communication is the transmission of a message between a sender and a receiver using a medium understandable to both. Communication can break down at any point in the process. So, regardless of the choice, even if it's the perfect one, the message, the medium, and the receiver all have to agree. They have to fit like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. Interlocking but not quite glued together.

So what if I reach out? What if it's the perfect time, the perfect place, with the perfect balance of sincerity and honesty? It's not all up to me. Trust is placed in the wind, the world, your ears, your eyes, your heart and the will of fate. At some point in time we have to simply close our eyes and hope.

I'm in a cave. I know that. I know that I do not know. I know there is no person I can control completely. Not myself. We are all small so we must make our choices and hope the world reacts. Positively, negatively. A reaction is a miracle so take what comes. Experience it. Love it. Hate it. Then make more choices.

Whether you lie idly in the grip of pain or passion or you jump forth to the next plateau, your choices are at the mercy of other men, at the mercy of what may be. You may be perfect and lose but don't let a tear stop you from fighting.

Stream of consciousness

2011-04-23T22:55:00.000-07:00

I'm about to freestyle write. I have no idea what this post will look like. I'm watching Moses getting his people freein skills on.

There was actually a big pause between the last paragraph and this one because I didn't know what to type. I'm reading Wild Child finally. I posted about it a bit ago. It takes a ton of concentration for me to stay focused on a book. I really have a hard time reading now. I don't think I was always as bad as I am now, but it was always a challenge for me.

I've gone to the last three Angels games and they've lost all of them. Tomorrow seems like a no-go for me, so of course they'll win. I'm selfish. I like to see them win too!

I only have 75 pages to go to finish this book. I threatened to take away my concert next month if I didn't finish by the end of the weekend. I am really going to go through with the punishment if I don't finish. I think the motivation was great because I read 125 pages today. If I finish it tomorrow, it will be the 2nd book I read this week. The first one was easy and I've read it about 4 times.

Looks like I have a pretty lady about to take me away from this. I could probably write forever but I gots to go. Peace.

2011-04-22T10:27:00.000-07:00

Everything I've written lately has been bland. Can someone fill my words with color?

Einstein's Dreams

2011-04-22T08:58:00.000-07:00

17 June 1905

The segments of time fit together almost perfectly, but not quite perfectly. On occasion, very slight displacements occur. For example on this Tuesday in Berne, a young man and a young woman, in their late twenties, stand beneath a street lamp on Gerberngasse. They met one month ago. He loves her desperately, but he has already been crushed by a woman who left him without warning, and he is frightened of love. He must be sure with this woman. He studies her face, pleads silently for her true feelings, searches for the smallest sign, the slightest movement of her brow, the vaguest reddening of her cheeks, the moistness of her eyes.

In truth, she loves him back but she cannot put her love in words. Instead, she smiles at him, unaware of his fear. As they stand beneath the street lamp, time stops and restarts. Afterwards, the tilt of their heads is precisely the same, the cycle

of their heartbeats shows no alteration. But somewhere in the deep pools of the woman's mind, a dim thought has appeared that was not there before. The young woman reaches for this new thought, into her unconscious, and as she does so a gossamer vacancy crosses her smile. This slight hesitation would be invisible to any but the closest scrutiny, yet the urgent young man has noticed it and taken it for his sign. He tells the young woman that he cannot see her again, returns to his small apartment on Zeughausgasse, decides to move to Zurich and work in his uncle's bank. The young woman walks slowly home from the lamppost on Gerberngasse and wonders why the young man did not love her.

-excerpt from Einstein's Dreams by Alan Lightman

William Shakespeare

2011-04-19T00:30:00.001-07:00

SONNET 29

When, in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes,

I all alone beweep my outcast state

And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries

And look upon myself and curse my fate,

Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,

Featured like him, like him with friends possess'd,

Desiring this man's art and that man's scope,

With what I most enjoy contented least;

Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,

Haply I think on thee, and then my state,

Like to the lark at break of day arising

From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate;

For thy sweet love remember'd such wealth brings

That then I scorn to change my state with kings.

2011-04-16T20:08:00.001-07:00

I'm crooked with only one dimple.

This is all about you.

2011-04-16T01:27:00.000-07:00

Upi'tr dp bsom. O nry upi yjoml yjod dpmh od snpiy upi, snpiy upi, snpiy upi!

In a week, I won't know how to decode this message either.

New Goal

2011-04-14T14:35:00.001-07:00

I have tons of goals, but this goal trumps the rest. I need to focus and take action. For too long, I've looked at my long list of goals and didn't know where to start. I just need to do it. Starting now. Here I go.

Joey being Joey stresses me out!

500 Greatest Movies

2011-04-06T00:46:00.001-07:00

Here's the plan. I need to find a list like this to work my way through. It can be one of the main features of my blogging. I can write shallow fluttery posts or I can dive deep into the film. Or perhaps I will be inspired to write tangentially to the film. For example, Thora Birch in American Beauty reminds me of my fascination (read: crush) on Scarlett Johansson and how I went to watch all of her movies including Ghost World, and how The Island is based on one of my favorite books, Brave New World.

I'll have to come up with rules and a time limit to get through 500. It will be just like Julie & Julia except I'm not Amy Adams and I wouldn't expect this to become quite the sensation her blog became. Also, my writing skills are meager at best.

This plan was inspired by:

Oooh! Idea! Public screenings of movies will be sought out and preferred. Must find theaters that screen previously run films. To all my readers (-.-), any tips?

Coming Up

2011-04-05T20:54:00.000-07:00

I was a loner, I wasn't lonely. See two posts below.

I'm back. Opening Day on Friday (weather permitting). Baseball all weekend. Jenny in Santa Barbara on Monday. Going to meet a Rilo Kiley fanatic. Jenny again with Bright Eyes in Pomona on Wednesday. Going to create a new Jenny fanatic.

I am reading Wild Child: And Other Stories by T.C. Boyle, the first fiction I've picked up in a long, long time. "La Conchita" is wonderful. It's a story that asks why am I here? Who am I? What is inside of me? Who can I be? What do I get out of it? I'm just happy to be reading something that is close to what I want to write. I do not have the skills for something like this, but maybe someday after writing my face off I might.

This picture has everything to do with it.

2011-04-02T01:10:00.000-07:00

I have a crush on you.

Cast Your Love Around

2011-03-31T03:47:00.000-07:00

Night Driving In Small Towns - Cast Your Love Around

Viendo Tus Ojos

2011-03-31T03:37:00.000-07:00

Al fin entiendo que el pasado y el futuro solo existe hoy, y hoy te amo.

I do.

2011-03-27T22:17:00.000-07:00

You know that song where every note, every word, every beat is made for you?

Who to Pack?

2011-03-24T23:21:00.000-07:00

“No importa como te sientas, levántate, vístete y sal a brillar.” –Paulo Coelho

In the past I would find any excuse to give up on a day. What did this accomplish? I've set myself too far off course. As I slowly hike my way along this trail, I have learned that I cannot retrace my steps. I have to set a new course for myself. It is common for a novice to bring more than is needed and to leave some necessities behind and I am still learning what these are. So here I am, I know where I am going but I don't quite know how I will get there. That's the fun of it all, right?

Now, I shall sleep. It's later than I would have liked, but off I go. When I wake up feeling the regret of another night alone gone to waste, I will get up. I will get dressed. I will get back on the road. The world is constantly moving, so everyday I don't move forward means two days lost--one to gather my sensibilities and the second to use them.

Promises, promises.

Inspiration from Paulo Coelho

2011-03-21T02:29:00.000-07:00

10 Sec Reading: How to Achieve Immortality

When he was still a young man, Beethoven decided to compose a few improvisations on a music by Pergolesi. He devoted months to this task and finally had the courage to publish it.

more...

In all my eloquence, this is all I have to say: Haters be hatin', while players be playin'.

"...when you stand out and when you reach, I'll prey on your lifeblood..."

Coelho, in his masterful, insightful way inspires me to pick up my pen. No more talking shit about the disappearing ground. I need to go out and embarrass myself. Just writing it frightens me. It'd be worse if there was no fear because then I would know I wasn't ready. I am happy to know that I do not know. That is a start. I'm in a cave. Now what?

Very Yours Truly

2011-03-21T02:25:00.000-07:00

You had me several years ago when I was still quite naive
Well you said that we made such a pretty pair
And that you would never leave
But you gave away the things you loved and one of them was me
I had some dreams, they were clouds in my coffee

My Plans for the Weekend

2011-03-19T01:17:00.000-07:00

This day is off to a negative start. I have no plans for the weekend. I'm not in the mood to relax. I want to go to Disneyland, Pasadena, and hiking with my friend. There is an Italian restaurant that serves the most delicious antipasto platter. The fresh mozzarella and the succulent olives and the prosciutto, oh my! I don't even have to explain what is special about Disneyland. It's Disneyland. Maybe we can venture to the side of the castle where it's always quiet. We can sit by the water and watch the ducks. Then we can go and work up a sweat on a trail somewhere. It doesn't matter which one. Home is beautiful, so it will be special no matter what. Antipasto in Old Town, pictures with Mickey, and a Southern California trail. None of this will happen.

Music is my passion

2011-03-16T13:04:00.000-07:00

I love it when a song can make you feel depressed, hopeful, angry, and exuberant all at the same time. Emotions, good or bad, feel a heck of a lot better than nothingness.

A girl made me rank them:

1. Education
2. Music
3. Baseball

It's amazing to see baseball so low. But it's true.

Infidelity

2011-03-15T23:01:00.000-07:00

Was it September, baby?
I can't remember, honestly.

Was it October, baby,
When you told me it was over, naturally?

Was it November, baby when you forgot my birthday?

Was it December, baby?
All alone underneath my tree.

Finally, I see, the only one for me is infidelity.
'Cuz I know he'll be faithful to me.

Was it January?
Where were you on New Years Eve?

Was it February?
Do you leap right past me?

Was it the airport, baby?
All the travelers so lonely.

Was it my vision, baby?
Why'd it take it so long for me to

Finally see the only one for me is infidelity?
'Cuz I know he'll be faithful to me.

Infidelity, I know you'll be faithful to me.

Night Driving In Small Towns

Missed Connection (I've always wanted to do one of these.)

2011-03-15T20:21:00.001-07:00

Dear girl at the vending machine,

You bought Wheat Thins but they got stuck in the machine. I rescued your snack for you. Then, I bought you your water and you bought me my gatorade. Your tattoo on your foot is cute. You are too. I didn't get your name! Will you meet me at the vending machine again next week?

Sincerely,

Me

Facebook Claims Another Victim

2011-03-14T13:01:00.000-07:00

Teacher’s Facebook Joke About Killing Students Might Get Her Fired
Click here to find out more!

Maureen O'Connor — The day after a Harlem 6th grader died during a class trip to the beach, Brooklyn elementary school teacher Christine Rubio—who has been teaching for 15 years—updated her Facebook status to this:

After today, I'm thinking the beach is a good trip for my class. I hate their guts.

more...

Teacher attitude! This wasn't so much a joke as a mini-therapy session. I understand teachers going home feeling like they hate their students or being frustrated, but this is just sad. She shouldn't lose her job over this one lapse of judgment, but I bet this is not simply her one-time reaction to a bad day.

Tragos Amargos

2011-03-13T00:02:00.001-08:00

Clavado en este rincon,
Como tu clavastes a mi corazon,
Estos tragos que tomo yo son pura tristesa y son mi dolor.

Te fuiste no se porque,
Yo sé que me querías y sé que me adorabas,
Por si acaso quieres regresar te voy a esperar, te voy a esperar.

Tragos de amargo licor que no me hacen olvidar,
Y me siento como un cobarde, que hasta me pongo a llorar.
Te fuiste no se porque,
Yo sé que me querías y sé que me adorabas,
Por si acaso quieres regresar, te voy a esperar, te voy a esperar.
Tragos de amargo licor, que no me hacen olvidar
Y me siento como un cobarde, que hasta me pongo a llorar.

Ramon Ayala

Carla Morrison

Remember This

2011-03-12T23:36:00.000-08:00

Trey Songz - Runaway Cover

I Must Be Tired

2011-03-12T21:59:00.000-08:00

I read my previous post right after publishing it. It's almost as bad as Yvette's term paper writing. Yeah, that bad! I'm going to leave it as is because I think all the mistakes add to the mood.

Tonight...

2011-03-12T21:36:00.000-08:00

I would love the type of friend who could just relax with me and watch an old movie in TV. No entertaining. No pressure.

I had a long couple of days. I woke up early yesterday to do a little bit of laundry before going to observe at Santiago High School. The teacher is a cool guy and I think I'm going to learn a lot from my time there. Then I came home and immediately started studying for the CSET. I put in 6 hours before my head partially exploded, then I freaked out and luckily, I had someone to vent to. Thanks to you! Then at about 11:00 PM, I hit the books again for another couple of hours. I slept not too well, then woke up and immediately studies some more for a couple hours.

Of course, I was running late to check in for my test today. About halfway there, I realized I didn't have my I.D., so i freaked the fuck out all over again. Instead of turning around to find it, i kept going and called my brother tried to help, but his pocket searching skills are very poor. The test administrators just had me fill out a form and practically made me write an essay declaring I was really me. The test was a little easier than I thought it would be, but it was still very, very difficult. I really don't know if I did well enough to pass. I'm glad i went nuts yesterday, because after the crazy period, I really focused and got that last, very valuable studying in. The better result of the freak out was the encouragement I received from a few people. It was pretty great.

Then I came home and my body needed to catch up in tiredness to my mind. I hit the batting cages for a bit. Nights are no good for me. My vision is poor enough as it is. I couldn't see the ball, so I had to guess where to swing. The cages at Boomers are pretty sad. The machines ate a few of my coins and there was little help from the employees. Eventually, I decided to leave and the manager gave me a couple extra coins to use next time.

Now, here I am writing a poorly written blog all about myself. Boring. After an eventful week of my midterm paper and the test today, I will return somewhat to a normal routine. I do have a midterm this Thursday, but I don't think that will be much of a hassle. I haven't check my other homework this week, but I really hope it's not much.

Now, what to do? Netflix? Playstation? Xbox? Sleep?

More Vinyl!

2011-03-10T21:17:00.000-08:00

I added four more LPs to my collection. I won't keep up this pace. My other favorite albums haven't been pressed onto vinyl. There are a few more I can get, but I'll hold off for now.

Here they are: Rilo Kiley - Under the Blacklight, Jenny and Johnny - I'm Having Fun Now, Rilo Kiley - Take Offs and Landings, Jenny Lewis - Acid Tongue

Can I be spiritual?

2011-03-09T21:14:00.001-08:00

I've wondered about how I should approach faith. I was a non-practicing Catholic for many, many years and I realized I did not like the church. I could not bring myself to believe their story. I turned away from it and began to despise religion in general, specifically the churches that represent them. I heard so many stories and opinions throughout history and in the present that just reflect poorly on religion.

However, I am open-minded. I am willing to learn about what is out there so I can perhaps move away from identifying myself as agnostic. Wikipedia describes agnosticism as "the view that the truth value of certain claims—especially claims about the existence or non-existence of any deity but also other religious and metaphysical claims—is unknown or unknowable" (accessed 3/9/11). This is truly how I feel.

I could just settle on being Christian or Catholic. I have many friends who are and they are in love with their faith. They are happy and they found a place where they belong. I just don't think I can believe it all. I don't think there is room for settling when it comes to choosing a faith. Maybe I'm just ignorant.

I wanted more information, so today I did a quick Google search and found a personality quiz about my spiritual beliefs at beliefnet.com. I haven't read through the results yet, but here are my results. Maybe I'll just drop it all, but maybe one of these will inspire me to investigate further.

1.	Unitarian Universalism (100%)
2.	Liberal Quakers (94%)
3.	Neo-Pagan (91%)
4.	Mahayana Buddhism (89%)
5.	Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (89%)
6.	New Age (82%)
7.	Theravada Buddhism (82%)
8.	Reform Judaism (80%)
9.	Jainism (68%)
10.	Hinduism (67%)
11.	Orthodox Judaism (66%)
12.	Secular Humanism (64%)
13.	Baha'i Faith (62%)
14.	New Thought (61%)
15.	Scientology (61%)
16.	Islam (56%)
17.	Sikhism (56%)
18.	Orthodox Quaker (52%)
19.	Taoism (51%)
20.	Seventh Day Adventist (48%)
21.	Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (47%)
22.	Nontheist (46%)
23.	Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (43%)
24.	Eastern Orthodox (43%)
25.	Roman Catholic (43%)
26.	Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (43%)
27.	Jehovah's Witness (36%)

Based on personal experience and this list, I'm pretty much not a Roman Catholic.

Failing schools...::sigh::

2011-03-09T13:41:00.000-08:00

82 percent of US schools may be labeled 'failing'

An estimated 82 percent of U.S. schools could be labeled as "failing" under the nation's No Child Left Behind Act this year, Education Secretary Arne Duncan said Wednesday.

The Department of Education estimates the number of schools not meeting targets will skyrocket from 37 to 82 percent in 2011 because states are toughening their standards to meet the requirements of the law. The schools will face sanctions ranging from offering tutoring to closing their doors.

more...

If I am ever in a position where 82% of my students are failing, the first person I will blame is myself. I will ask: What did I do wrong? What can I do to change my approach? What can I do to change how I assess my students and change the meaning of pass/fail?

After that I will then turn my attention to my students. What did they do wrong? What can they do to promote their own learning? How can families support me and their children in the process?

The learning process needs to be as locally, culturally, and individually relevant as possible. Some of the language in No Child Left Behind restricts this. A failure rate of 82% points not only to failing schools, but also to failing policies, and failing families. We need to bring the responsibility of a complete education back to where it is most relevant. It's time to bring it back home.

Toot your own horn. Pat yourself on the back.

2011-03-08T07:51:00.000-08:00

More people should brag about the good things they are doing. Sure, the haters will come out to hate, but think of who you can inspire. You got an A on your test? You're going to Brazil for the first time? You released an album? Wow! Wow! and Wow! If it's good for you, it's good for me. Share it, shout it. I will not get sick of it.

Some people don't agree. Some Yahoo! Answers (oh you!) respondents think bragging is annoying. I think they can take a healthier stance. One of them says, "I feel that these kinds of people are just trying to make others believe they live these amazing, great lives and everything is perfect, but in reality it's not." Why not just be happy for them? It really would make you happier to be happy for them. Maybe they realize their lives are not perfect so they are focusing on what is good. Try it. It feels wonderful.

Spread your joy. Let it fly. I love seeing it, love hearing it.

I'll Sleep When I'm Dead

2011-03-08T07:26:00.001-08:00

Go to bed early, wake up late.
Go to bed late, wake up late.
Go to bed early, wake up early.
Go to bed late, wake up early.

These are my four options. I prefer #4, but I have to get my body used to only 4-6 hours a night. I like it because it gives me a few hours to do nothing very important. I can watch TV or just be online. Also, if I have an important assignment, I have an hour or two after midnight to work on it. My mind never wants to shut down, so this gives me the most awake time.

For that very last reason, #1 and #3 are not options I would like to take, but #3 may become necessary if I learn that I'm not strong enough for my preference. I will learn all about that very soon. For the next few weeks, other than weekends, #2 won't even be an option because I have to go to high schools to observe on the days I don't have morning classes.

Now that I put it out there, I made my goal of waking up early every day real and I cannot turn back on it. But if a tree falls in the forest...? At least I will be able to create blog posts with no direction and lacking in creativity. I'm glad I haven't done that yet!

Some questions may never be answered.

2011-03-07T17:45:00.000-08:00

Some of these questions are cutting. Some of them are simple. Some can be answered in one word. Some cannot be answered at all. Most, if not all, of these questions will never be seen, will never be heard, and never be answered. Some of these questions are about me. Mostly I want these questions to be about you.

Amy Bui - How do you see home differently now?
Cynthia Perez - After almost 7 years, what do you think about having a daughter?
David Villalpando - How will you save the world?
Don Xavier Dolar - Why or why aren't you proud of yourself?
Esteban Rodriguez - How will you use your skills?
Felicia Moeis - How do you feel about New York City?
Goose Galindo - What inspires you?
Jack Picone - Describe the worst piece of work you ever did that taught you the most.
Jeannette Pacheco - Define love.
Kristy Campos - Who do you want to be?
Monica Alcala - Describe the worst day you ever had in your entire life.
Monica Luna - Do you regret choosing your career?
Tony Perez - How can I be more like you?
Yvette Flores - What is the thing about yourself you love the most?
Yvette Pacheco - Who are you?

Give Back

2011-03-07T01:35:00.000-08:00

I've done this before. I didn't think I'd do it again. But once again it's happening. That must mean I live again. Get back what I lost again. I have to fix how I approach it and somehow make it better. Somehow make it worth it.

I'm back in my bed for the first time since Thursday night. It should be nice. Shouldn't it?

Does good art have to be completely vulnerable?

The Age of Vinyl

2011-03-07T01:01:00.001-08:00

The long playing record was first introduced in 1931 and became popular in 1948. On March 2, 2011, after the cassette and compact disc essentially displaced it and in the midst of the digital age, I became an owner of my very first LP. Less than one week later, I now own 4 of them.

Rilo Kiley - More Adventurous, She & Him - Volume One, Rilo Kiley - The Execution of All Things, Lykke Li - Youth Novels

Is it really the schools?

2010-02-13T14:05:00.000-08:00

It's not very hard to find public school detractors. I hear it all the time when I tell people I want to be a teacher. There is one group that asks why I would want to get into such a horrible system with such little pay. There is another group that says the schools are in such bad shape and they can use someone like me to help turn it around.

The message is out there. In a recent article in Time, also found online here, the headline "Why We're Failing Our Schools" implies that schools need to be fixed. It does not ask whether or not we are failing. It makes the assumption and goes immediately to explaining why. This type of headline is not unique. Readers often do not get past the headlines and absorb the little information headlines give as truth. For those who get past the headline, the article states that "...American schools have been slipping for decades — our students are now 32nd internationally in math scores, 10th in science, 12th in reading." These types of stats are controversial by themselves. They are used by big media and government who do not quite understand how the data is derived and what actually happens inside the schools to attain them.

Our public schools are not that bad! I will concede that there are ideas that can be incorporated into our schools that can make them better (What industry fails this test?). There are bad schools and there are good ones, but the difference is not as clear as test scores and graduation rates, two commonly used barometers of the quality of schools. I went to public school, all my closest friends and my entire family did too. I now have a degree from NYU. My friends and family have degrees from top schools Cornell, Yale, UCI, UCLA, USC, CSUF, CSULB, Stanford, Iowa, and Annapolis.

We are a diverse group. Many of us are still pursuing higher education and others have started careers in law, public relations, politics, the military, education, business, etc. However, we do have a few things in common. Besides public school, one thing in common with all these people is support and encouragement from family. I don't mean that in a warm, fuzzy way either. All these people had strong expectations to make something of themselves and anything less than success in school was not an option. Their families were there not just to nudge them in the right direction, but to give a full-forced shoving.

One might point to the success of certain charter schools or private schools. They will brag about their graduation rate and other barometers of success. They will even compare their levels to that of nearby public schools. One simple reason for all their success is that the kids who attend these schools are the same ones with families like the aforementioned. Of course public schools achieve at lower rates; alternative schools are stealing away the students who have the support that makes them more likely to succeed!

Our school system is not broken. Yes, it requires constant maintenance and progression. Education deserves all the attention it can get to keep pushing it to improve, but it is not a failing system. There is evidence that points to strong families as the key to educational success. When schools truly fail, the first step to repairing the problem is not changing the curriculum, but fixing our families.